need His help in times of these!

I really do not know what to do now. Really need His help. Do not know why at this period of time, there will be so many people going into the hospital.

First, it was my uncle. He was admitted in because of appendices.

Then after that, got the news from relatives in Malaysia that aunt and uncle got cancer.

Then, brother went operation for his back.

Then the worst one came. Another of my uncle in Singapore, thought he was with asthma when he actually got leukemia. The kind where you might just die within weeks.

Arghhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

At times like this, I really wish He will show me why He is putting all these in my family. What is He going to show me? Heard mum crying while bathing just now. At times, I feel like crying too. But sometimes, you just cannot. esp when u hear your mum saying this to you: you need to help whenever you can now. You are strong. Mummy is going to collapse any time. I really cannot take it anymore if any of my family members kena any thing again. I do not know how to react liao.

sometimes, I really do wish that there is someone to hear me rant, lend me a shoulder to lean on. Let me just cry out, but I will not feel embarrassed de!!!i do not know who is this person, but God, I really need one to rely on. If not, give me the strength la!!!!!!!!!

Mum doesn’t even allow me to tell these to anyone. But, mum, sorry la. I have told 2 of my close friends, who are able to help me pray about it.

clear in mind.

i am glad that i have moved on. i am no longer thinking of what i cannot get and thinks that i am at fault, i am not good enough.

i will always what you told me. why get together, then break, then after that, then treat other worst than strangers. yes, i think we are better off as friends. we will always be good friends. you will be there to teach me whatever things i asked you. you will also be like my big brother, teaching me what to do, what not to do. I will treasuer this friendship.

And best of all, i know what i want. i want someone whom i can be frank with, when i am infront of him, i will not be afraid, will allow myself to not act infront of him.

I think i have found this person. jus wish me good luck that we still have a chance for each other, since i have missed the opportunity previously.

ok. i realized that part of the reason tt i feel sth missing is cos of u.

sometimes, i think to myself, y dun i actually believed yr friend, n be honest to myself, instead of avoiding the problem.

Now i can only hope tt u are still e same n tt we will have a chance.

from the last time i went cambodia till now, realized that it has been 1 yr plus alr. though things have changed, but something is still the same. i still have the feeling for you. i dont know why. but i hope that even if things are changing, it will only change for the better.
i don't wanna change things to a extend that whet you told me happening in our lifes. i don't wanna one day we become worst then strangers.

ONG JIN LIANG: i wan an answer from you. have you ever liked me? is there any possibility that one day, we will get together?

KRISTY!!!CONTROL!!!!!

why do i feel more and more awkward when i dun see you and even have the urge to ask u, how u feel abt me??? You have not contacted me since you are backed from korea. Do feel wierd. someone told me that if 1 person do not have any interest in you, why will they ask you out, why will they pay for your expenses. this really make me think more. But nonetheless, i still must control!!!

have been having mixed feelings recently.

first is to brendan. I must really say sorry to him. There have been people telling me that he is emo because of me, cos i keep avoiding him and stuff. but then again, i really cannot stand s guy emo over this kind of things. is like you are so dependent on this person. if gals can be independent n not ve relying on someone, den shouldn't a guy be much better then that?!?!

then is to junliang. yes, i do miss him a lot, but looks like unless pigs can fly, i will never be tgt w him. n i have no courage to tell him :[
he told me this: why want to be tgt when you guys can be friends. when tgt, then know each other weakness, then become worst then stranger...

then to yongli. I really find him to be a nice guy. although we have only seen each other for 2 times, but really, he seems to be a gentlemen. how i wish i can know him more n find out what else he knows!!! cos only the second time yesterday, i found out that actually he knows how to play piano(grade 5), and can even write mao bi zi....

Jun Liang, sad to know that you are leaving RP le, but happy that you are moving on with your life.

yes, i still like you, dun ask me why. counting how long i have had this feeling for you, is has been 1 yr plus le.and i always rmb the red rose you gave me, and among all friends who bought rose, mine is the only red one, and surprisingly, is also the one that lasted the most. If i am gg to write more details here, it will be long. but shall let photo speak for me. These photo are you wanting to take w me.

liking u again

i do not know why, but after the thing happen so long, i do not know why i still have the liking for you, like really hoping for a miracle to happen.