feeling down

i do not know the exact reason. i do not know the source. but all i know is, i dun feel good. like i have been neglected.

herman they all have been adding more people into the clique. we are getting less and less close.

then as for deanna and clique, i will sometimes feel like an extra. i do not know why. especially after the KL trip, i will sometimes feel like i am an extra, one that is there not there, they will not be bothered.

i hate this feeling. i am scared that the friendship will be gone. this is something i hate most. no one for me to tell all my feelings to.

even Rachel is busy. i dun even think she will have time for me anymore now that she is gg to be engaged to YR soon.i am of course happy for her. But sometimes, looking at her like tt, makes me even more want to get attached. but who. yes i still like KM. but the wait is like really long. cos i was slow, and not get his hint, den he also dun dare to tell me.haha. so we missed the chance. then now, he in army. and he asks me to wait. so, it makes me think that he has alr given up le.

yes. god will give you the right one.but how long do you want me to wait? sometimes, i feel lonely. but thank god, he gave me a personality that is more 'dun dare to open my mouth to the other party' in such case. but still god, tell me who the person is.

realized that i have been faking too much recently. when i am not happy, or feeling insecure, still need to act as though nth happen, so that ppl will not see that i am afraid. In fact, i sometimes realize that what HL said sometimes is true. bt i will not put the blame on anyone, cos i know that it is m fault.At the same time, even at home, i have to act.when i am scared, i hvae to show that i am not. when i am worried, i have to show that i am not. is really frustrating.
Sometimes, u do wish that you have someone by your side, to share your worries and woes. but when is that person coming???it is really a long wait.

告诉你 瞒着你 只不过是个决定

放弃你 忘记你 只怕我无法前进

不知道为什么会如此莫名紧张你

我越了解你 越靠近你 越犹豫

明知道我爱你 却不敢告诉你

我害怕失去你 宁愿沉默不语

该如何整理 幸福在手里

我恨自己 无能为力

明知道我爱你 却不敢靠近你

我假装不在意 反而痛了自己

多痛都可以 不能没有你

只想永远永远爱你

你知不知道我也没关系

告诉你 瞒着你 只不过是个决定

但为何 到如今 我依然无法前进

不知道为什么会如此莫名紧张你

我越了解你 越靠近你 越犹豫

明知道我爱你 却不敢告诉你

我害怕失去你 宁愿沉默不语

该如何整理 幸福在手里

我恨自己 无能为力

明知道我爱你 却不敢靠近你

我假装不在意 反而痛了自己

多痛都可以 不能没有你

只想永远永远爱你

你知不知道我也没关系

明知道我爱你 假装不在意

多痛都可以 不能没有你

只想永远永远爱你

你知不知道真的没关系

yes, this is th elyrics of one song that my friend post on my wall.and the lyrics just says of what i feel, and what i am thinking now. 

Sometimes, i really wonder whether you will know that i am referring to you, and what my feelings are towards you.

But whatever the case it, i am going to do what the lyrics say, to 放弃你 忘记你. but that is provided after sometime, and i know what is your reaction. And i am definitely going to listen to god's instruction. no matter how hard it is going to be, i wall ask him to give me strength and the right one for me.

i dun know how to express

i do like you. and i have been hiding my feelings by saying that i know who i want and by trying to ask mel to be yr gf. i dont know is this feeling just the kind whereby is it just the type that i wan to know u more? or is it i like you? i do not dare to tell u how i feel cos i am afraid that it might be just one-sided thinking, then all awkwardness will come out. this is what i am afraid of most.

but i wan say for now, yi kai, i vous aimez. translate it and u will know what it means.