things gg through recently.

Hi Blog, i am here to rant again.
deep inside me, there is this wish. that this training will past faster. so that i will know who God has given me, whether i have been on the wrong track.

i must say that i have fully accepted that God is giving me all these hard times, is because He wants me to be a better person, both for myself, and for the partner that He has arranged for me. but still, there is still this feeling inside that i have a liking for you, and i will actually consider you. If dawn add in your name to the list of brothers that she ask me on who i will choose, i might choose you.

people has been saying a lot that there is something going on between us, rumors spreading that you like me or that we are alr a couple, people telling you that i like you, though we know all these are just stories made up, and that we have put a stop for all these, but i think there is some 'trueness', up till a certain extend. i know on my side, there is some liking for you, but is something that i will hide inside me, and no one will know, not even jamie, not even dawn, only God. As for you, i do not know what you think towards this. But really, even if you ask me to be yr gf now, i will say no, not because i do not like you, but because i know who you are, and how you treat things like this. i do not want to make any wrong decision again, and make both of us feel awkward in-front of each other and most importantly, that God will not be disappointed in us.

To think of it, i am glad you went for this Germany trip with Dawn, that she told you what you should do. is something i do not know how to tell you. i know what you have been doing, you have told me before, but i do not know how to put it in words for you. i have too many friends and relatives that has your character and i know that if we keep telling you what to do, but you are not at a stage of listening, you will be even more rebellious, which will make things worst. Plus, i have been telling you not to do some other stuff. if i continue telling you more, it does not help. sometimes we just need another voice to tell you, and dawn came in at the right time. Thus, i shall put all things down, and really trust that God will work in His time, and in His awesome planning for me, only then i can have blessings form God :)

And i am glad that you are changing. though at this point of time, i may be thinking that this is not good, because, then we no longer talk and everything, but i know that you are changing for the better and slowly being molded by God to be His perfect vase.

waiting for God's commandment.

feeling confused.
have been going out so many times with you to movie, walking around in the sentosa broadwalk at night, you sending me home always, but still we are jus friends. I have no idea what is your feeling towards me. jus a friend? waiting for time to come? dun dare to tell me you like me because i indirectly rejected you or what?
the truth is, i like you, but i dun dare to tell you. and i know i will not tell you because i know that i do not want to land myself into this kind of situation again. i wan to wait for God's answer and instruction before i even take any steps further.
Moreover, i

i am facing this situation now always.
i think i like you. But after what happen to the previous r/s i had, i am kind of afraid to enter into one. i am afraid that i will make a wrong choice again. thus, i will not dare to admit that i like you. But, i will just leave it to God to decide for me.

i am feeling empty

I am feeling so empty these days. i really wonder why. i wonder is it cos i need someone to be there with me always, to do crazy things with me a.k.a a boyfriend, or do i need a short oversea trip? or actually what do i need to do to feel good???

and in fact, i know that i like you, i will consider gg into a relationship with you if you were to ask, though i have told myself that i will not enter into 1 in the near future after what had happen. but i know that you feel differntly from me. you are treating me only as a friend, no interest in me. but... .... (some feelings are jus difficult to describe).

Eileen, sometimes i wish i can be like you, know how to walk my way through the heart of a guy, but then again, i know tt this is wrong. i know that by doing this, God will not like it.

ZH, if u are reading this. yes, how i wish i can walk into you heart, know what you are thinking, wish that i can be a part in your heart, be the best soul mate that you can find. the reason why i want this is very simple. you make me feel v comfortable and secure with you. it just feels like i can rely on you, i can trust in you. In fact what a girl sees most importantly in a guy. we just need to fell safe, secure and protected.

jus who can tell me what to do??!?!?!?!

I have thought it through

I have totally given up on u. I know that unless u train up yr character, I can never rely on u both in character, mentally and even physically. But I know that at least u let me learnt stuff from u, see clearer myself. I know who really suits me, which kind of guys i really like. But then again I really need God's love to give me the love. In fact, at the moment, i do know who I like,but I dun think I will want to enter into any r/s now