sld we say???

yes we can be tgt. everything went well. all the fears i have before we gt tgt, whether i am able to cope, whether i will be fit for you, and many many more thoughts, are all gone when we are tgt.
Times flies and we are entering into our 2nd mth. when you said you want to let our parents knows abt, i was happy but scared. still, i prefer to let yr parents know first rather than mine. as for me, we will see how it goes ok. maybe during CNY den say?

ok. we are officially tgt.
No. i am not talking about Jun Liang or Kong Ming. I am talking about Yann Shaw. He is really a nice guy though. And i never knew he can be so sweet.haha.
Initially, i was still thinking, really? can we be tgt? are we able to continue this? Am i really ready for this? But as time goes by, i think yes. He slowly slowly made me feel very very comfortable around him.
And yesterday he said the best thing. It all went like that.

we were talking about his joke with Yao Jie, and how Yao Jie praise that Cindy is pretty. And when Cindy dress up very pretty.

Shaw: Cos I think Cindy is like a lot of guy's the kind of girl.

Me: Also your girl right?!

Shaw: No La. You are my girl. Cos i know what i want.

But i just do not understand why, we are like keeping it a secret.
So God, guide us.

yesterday, this feeling came back strong again. i wan a bf. someone there to be holding you when u are alone, when u are down, and sad. and when i read kong ming's msg again, it was worst, cos i know it jus isint same anymore. i am not tt strong u know. it was really hurtful....

then when i saw deanna's blog, sometimes u will feel sad cos yr friends actually went out, but the actually did not even bother to ask u. i have totally no idea what did i do wrong, but they jus seems to be like dun wan me in their gathering.well. nvm...i shall not blame them anymore...

but i really want to have a bf...

is bad to miss someone

hi blog, i am back again to tell u all my darkest most secrets.

yes, i still miss kongming. and seriously, sometime, i jus cannot control myself, but to think of him, even when i am outside alone, or even when working. shit. am i like being poisoned by him or sth. but the most heart pain thing is, when i msged him last night, saying that i do miss him n think of him on and off, that i will wan wait for him, n told him that yeap, i rejected guys after him, but that is all cos i like him, and when he did not reply me n wrote on facebook this: Never be ashamed of what you feel. You have the right to feel any emotion that you want, and to do what makes you happy.

But then again, it made me realise how he thinks, and how he feels. at least i know that he has found someone else, and is time for me to really let go of him, and start accepting someone else....if thats e fate, i will agree to it..but still, i will nt erase u off, but will bury u down deep inside, in a hole that no one will see...

secrets again :)

since long never come to this blog anymore. but yes, this blog is for me to say the darkest secret in me which i do not want any one to know. though i know this secret i am saying, some of them know it alr, but is still something which i do not wish to let people whom i am not close w but have my another blog add to know.

as some of them alr know, my trainer is gabriel tan. yes, though i know him for only a short period of time, but through sms n talking in phone, he made me know that he is a kind of guy whom i am looking for. one who is fun and out-going, and yet at the same time, also one who is a devoted Christian. even his mum is. when i went to visit him in the hospital last Saturday, his mum was so friendly. and all the while i can feel tt he is worried for me. which made me feel realy bad, cos i am not doing well. then yesterday, he texted me. really sweet and happy after reading it. when he said he will be back and help me. esp this phrase: i should be the one who is sorry. and another one: i want to be there nad fight for the best compared to others. and one more phrase: remember what my mum says.

i know all these are in the context of work, but then when you read it, it makes u feel happy, sweet and have the feeling of being loved. of course, i am gg to gather up all the courage to tell it to him one day, be it even through writing it out on a card or paper to tell it to him.

ultimately, just summarize in 3 words: i like him.

feeling down

i do not know the exact reason. i do not know the source. but all i know is, i dun feel good. like i have been neglected.

herman they all have been adding more people into the clique. we are getting less and less close.

then as for deanna and clique, i will sometimes feel like an extra. i do not know why. especially after the KL trip, i will sometimes feel like i am an extra, one that is there not there, they will not be bothered.

i hate this feeling. i am scared that the friendship will be gone. this is something i hate most. no one for me to tell all my feelings to.

even Rachel is busy. i dun even think she will have time for me anymore now that she is gg to be engaged to YR soon.i am of course happy for her. But sometimes, looking at her like tt, makes me even more want to get attached. but who. yes i still like KM. but the wait is like really long. cos i was slow, and not get his hint, den he also dun dare to tell me.haha. so we missed the chance. then now, he in army. and he asks me to wait. so, it makes me think that he has alr given up le.

yes. god will give you the right one.but how long do you want me to wait? sometimes, i feel lonely. but thank god, he gave me a personality that is more 'dun dare to open my mouth to the other party' in such case. but still god, tell me who the person is.

realized that i have been faking too much recently. when i am not happy, or feeling insecure, still need to act as though nth happen, so that ppl will not see that i am afraid. In fact, i sometimes realize that what HL said sometimes is true. bt i will not put the blame on anyone, cos i know that it is m fault.At the same time, even at home, i have to act.when i am scared, i hvae to show that i am not. when i am worried, i have to show that i am not. is really frustrating.
Sometimes, u do wish that you have someone by your side, to share your worries and woes. but when is that person coming???it is really a long wait.

告诉你 瞒着你 只不过是个决定

放弃你 忘记你 只怕我无法前进

不知道为什么会如此莫名紧张你

我越了解你 越靠近你 越犹豫

明知道我爱你 却不敢告诉你

我害怕失去你 宁愿沉默不语

该如何整理 幸福在手里

我恨自己 无能为力

明知道我爱你 却不敢靠近你

我假装不在意 反而痛了自己

多痛都可以 不能没有你

只想永远永远爱你

你知不知道我也没关系

告诉你 瞒着你 只不过是个决定

但为何 到如今 我依然无法前进

不知道为什么会如此莫名紧张你

我越了解你 越靠近你 越犹豫

明知道我爱你 却不敢告诉你

我害怕失去你 宁愿沉默不语

该如何整理 幸福在手里

我恨自己 无能为力

明知道我爱你 却不敢靠近你

我假装不在意 反而痛了自己

多痛都可以 不能没有你

只想永远永远爱你

你知不知道我也没关系

明知道我爱你 假装不在意

多痛都可以 不能没有你

只想永远永远爱你

你知不知道真的没关系

yes, this is th elyrics of one song that my friend post on my wall.and the lyrics just says of what i feel, and what i am thinking now. 

Sometimes, i really wonder whether you will know that i am referring to you, and what my feelings are towards you.

But whatever the case it, i am going to do what the lyrics say, to 放弃你 忘记你. but that is provided after sometime, and i know what is your reaction. And i am definitely going to listen to god's instruction. no matter how hard it is going to be, i wall ask him to give me strength and the right one for me.

i dun know how to express

i do like you. and i have been hiding my feelings by saying that i know who i want and by trying to ask mel to be yr gf. i dont know is this feeling just the kind whereby is it just the type that i wan to know u more? or is it i like you? i do not dare to tell u how i feel cos i am afraid that it might be just one-sided thinking, then all awkwardness will come out. this is what i am afraid of most.

but i wan say for now, yi kai, i vous aimez. translate it and u will know what it means.